夏天就是这样猎杀我的：

It was the way summer hunted me:

一系列的指令

a sequence of instructions

藏在花的褶皱中。

in the folds of a flower.

我怎么解释太阳的仇恨。

How do I explain the hatred of the sun,

活着的可怕奇迹？

the terrible wonder of being alive?

去他妈的鸟。我望向

Fuck the fucking birds. I looked

天空，想要加入风暴。我想象不到

to the sky to join the storms. I couldn’t

你，迅如闪电

have imagined you, swift as the lightning

我用手指划出一首歌的痕迹

I traced with my finger, a song scratched

变成一个背影。我为不知道而痛心。

into a back. I ached with the not-knowing.

在母亲节那天，我跪下来祈求

On Mother’s Day I knelt and begged

能够帮助我的东西。那是上帝吗？

for something to help me. Is that God?

我在精神病院

I played “Here Comes the Sun”

演奏《太阳来了》，大家

in the psych ward and everyone

看着我摇头：这个

watched as I shook. This

不是真的，我说。太阳

is not true, I said. The sun

早就在这里了。希望轻微得

is already here. Hope was slight

如同一根睫毛。天空多么干净

as an eyelash. How clean the sky—

一朵冒充脊梁的云。

a cloud that posed as a spine.

没有容器

There was no container

装得下我的绝望。在你的脸上，我看到

for my despair. In your face I saw

一系列指令。

a sequence of instructions.

你碰我的时候，我说出了

When you touched me, I named

未来的名字：就在此地。保持活着。

the future: Be here. Stay living.

我曾经跑过一次。我告诉过你吗，

I was running once. Did I tell you

我怎么会哭成那样？我看到一只狐狸——

how I wept like that? I saw a fox—

我的生活被一个个小把戏捆绑。过去

my life bound into tricks. The past

就是过去就是过去。一个想法冒出来

is the past is the past. An idea grown

以显而易见的名义。爱人

in the name of the obvious. How

如何形同陌路，

a beloved becomes a stranger

陌生人又如何成了爱人。

and a stranger becomes a beloved.

我可以讨厌真实的东西，厚重的

I can hate what is true, the thick beauty

美。我总是属于死去的那些：

of it. I am always in the school of the dead:

一个括号，一段旁白，一次重新排序。

a bracket, an aside, a reordering.

我告诉你，语言总是失败的。

I tell you language is always a failure,

一根等待拨动的弦。一首歌

a string waiting to be plucked. A song

你爱它却不能理解。

you love and cannot resolve.

断裂和狂喜

What’s the difference between

有什么区别？没区别。

rupture and rapture? Not even salt.