站在镜子前，母亲对我说她很丑

Standing in front of a mirror, my mother tells me she is ugly

说药物使她发胖了。我笑着把她

says the medication is making her fat. I laugh & walk her

送回床上。母亲对我说她很丑

back to the bed. My mother tells me she is ugly in the same voice

用她常挂在嘴边的“没有女人会爱你”一样的语调

she used to say no woman could love you & I watch her

我看她拉拽着自己的身体，那是我的。我沉重的乳房

pull at her body & it is mine. My heavy breast.

我令人失望的身材。她要了一碗素汤

My disappointing shape. She asks for a bowl of plain broth

却变成灌进我喉咙的一杯醋。

& it becomes the cup of vinegar she would pour down my throat.

每天放学后，我都会跪在她面前

Everyday after school, I would kneel before her.

脱掉衣服，请她标记我的进展

I would remove my clothes & ask her to mark the progress.

我想说的是，我也很想变得好看

It’s important that I mention, I truly wanted to be beautiful

为了她。在我的梦里，我很瘦，即使不瘦，也在变得更好。

for her. In my dreams I am thin & if not thin, something better.

我告诉母亲，她仍然很美，她笑了。房间里

I tell my mother she is still beautiful & she laughs. The room fills

很多苍蝇。它们聚成一个小男孩的形状，将妈妈带回

with flies. They gather in the shape of a small boy. They lead her

到镜子前，但我的影子还在那里。

back to the mirror, but my reflection is still there.