all the food critics hate iceberg lettuce.

所有的食品评论家都讨厌卷心生菜。

you'd think romaine was descended from

让你觉得长叶生菜降身于

orpheus's laurel wreath,

俄耳甫斯的月桂花环，

you'd think raw spinach had all the nutritional

让你以为生菠菜的全部营养成分

benefits attributed to it by popeye,

都归功于大力水手波派，

not to mention aesthetic subtleties worthy of

更不用说它美学的微妙之处

veriaine and debussy.

堪比魏尔伦与德彪西。

they'll even salivate over chopped red cabbage

他们甚至会对剁碎的红包菜也垂涎三尺，

just to disparage poor old mr. iceberg lettuce.

只是为了贬低可怜的卷心生菜老先生。

I guess the problem is

我琢磨着，问题就在于

it's just too common for them.

这对他们来说太稀松平常。

It doesn't matter that it tastes good,

至于味道好不好，

has a satisfying crunchy texture,

口感是否松脆得令人满意，

holds its freshness

是否保持了新鲜，并且有空隙

and has crevices for the dressing,

让沙拉酱渗进去，这都没关系，

whereas the darker, leafier varieties

而颜色更深、叶子更多的菜种

are often bitter, gritty, and flat.

通常味苦、有嚼劲、缺少层次。

It just isn't different enough and

它只是不够独特，而且

it's too goddamn american.

太他妈的美国口味了。

of course a critic has to criticize;

当然，批评家就是要批评；

a critic has to have something to say

批评家必须有话要说，

perhaps that's why literary critics

也许这就是为什么文评家们

purport to find interesting

声称发现那么有趣的

so much contemporary poetry

当代诗歌，

that just bores the shit out of me.

只会让我厌倦得要命。

at any rate, I really enjoy a salad

无论如何，我真的很喜欢

with plenty of chunky iceberg lettuce,

沙拉中有很多厚实的卷心生菜，

the more the merrier,

多多益善，

drenched in an Italian or roquefort dressing.

浸在意大利或蓝纹奶酪的调料中。

and the poems I enjoy are those I don't have

至于我喜欢的诗，都是

to pretend that I'm enjoying.

我没必要假装喜欢的。