I had no right to talk of you that way,

我无权以那种方式谈论你，

Robert. An emigre's envy

罗伯特。一个流亡者的嫉妒

Must have prompted me to mock

必定会促使我嘲弄

Your long depressions, weeks of terror,

你长时间的沮丧，恐怖的数周，

Presumed vacations in the safety of the wards.

假设的安全病房里的假期。

It was not from pride in my normalcy.

这并非来自我正常的傲慢。

Insanity, I knew, was insinuating itself

我知道，疯狂曾一丝丝

In a thin thread into my very being

潜入我的生命

And only waited for my permission

只在等我的许可

To carry me into its murky regions.

将我带入其晦暗地带。

And I was watchful. Like a lame man,

我警戒着。就像一个瘸子，

I used to walk upright to hide my affliction.

我常常笔直走路，掩饰我的疾病。

You didn't have to. For you it was permitted.

你却不用。因为你已被许可。

Not for me, a refugee on this continent

而我没有，我，这块大陆上的流亡者，

Where so many newcomers vanished without a trace.

这里那么多新移民销声匿迹。

Forgive me my mistake. Your will was of no use

请宽恕我的误解。你徒劳地反抗疾病，

Against an illness that held you like a stigma,

它宰制你，犹如耻辱，

And beneath my anger was the vanity,

而在我的愤怒深处是受辱者的

unjustifiable, of the humiliated. A bit belated,

无可辩驳的自傲。延误之后，

I write to you across what separates us:

我给你写诗，穿过隔开我们的东西：

Gestures, conventions, idioms, mores.

手势、风俗、方言、道德习惯。