The connection between divorced fathers and pizza crusts

离婚的爸爸和批萨硬边之间的联系

is understandable. The divorced father does not cook

是可以理解的。离婚的爸爸做饭时

confidently. He wants his kid to enjoy dinner.

是没有自信的。他想要小孩享受用餐。

The entire weekend is supposed to be fun. Kids love

整个的周末应当是开心的。小孩们爱批萨。

pizza. For some reason involving soft warmth and malleability

温软柔顺的东西因为某种原因参与进来

kids approve of melted cheese on pizza

只是不知道为什么小孩在喜欢吃其他奶酪之前，

years before they will tolerate cheese in other situations.

先接受了批萨上熔化的奶酪。

So the divorced father takes the kid and the kid's friend

所以离婚的爸爸把小孩和朋友们带到外面吃批萨。

out for pizza. The kids eat much faster than the dad.

小孩们吃得比爸爸快。

Before the dad has finished his second slice,

在爸爸吃完第二牙批萨之前

the kids are playing a video game or being Ace Ventura

孩子们已经在玩电子游戏，或者成为了神探飞机头

or blowing spitballs through straws, making this hail

或者用吸管吹唾沫粘成的纸团，冰雹一样

that can't quite be cleaned up. There are four slices left

到处都是没法收拾。还剩下四牙批萨，

and the divorced father doesn't want them wasted,

离婚的爸爸不想浪费它们，

there has been enough waste already; he sits there

因为垃圾已经够多了；他坐在那里，

in his windbreaker finishing the pizza. It's good

穿着他的风衣吃完批萨。这些都还好，

except the crust is actually not so great—

只是吃那些批萨硬边不是很享受——

after the second slice the crust is basically a chore—

在吃完第二牙之后它们已经成为苦差使——

so you leave it. You move on to the next loaded slice.

所以你抛弃它们。你拿起另一牙完整的批萨。

Finally there you are amid rims of crust.

最终你会置身于一堆批萨硬边之中。

All this is understandable. There's no dark conspiracy.

所有这些都是可以理解的。没有什么黑暗阴谋参与其中。

Meanwhile the kids are having a pretty good time

同时小孩们玩得相当开心，

which is the whole point. So the entire evening makes

这就足够了。所以整个夜晚

clear sense. Now the divorced father gathers

都没有逃出理智的范围。所以离婚的爸爸

the sauce-stained napkins for the trash and dumps them

收集好沾上了酱汁的餐巾纸倒进垃圾筒

and dumps the rims of crust which are not

也把一堆批萨硬边倒进去，

corpses on a battlefield. Understandability

它们并不是战场上的尸体。“可理解性”充满

fills the pizza shop so thoroughly there's no room

了批萨店，以至于这里再也无法

for anything else. Now he's at the door summoning the kids

装下任何东西。现在他站在门口召唤小孩们

and they follow, of course they do, he's a dad.

小孩听他的，当然会听，因为他是爸爸。