1

1

Someone will need to forgive me for being

总会有人谅解我的

who I am, for sneaking back to my blue chair

我行我素，偷坐回那把蓝椅子

by the window, where for the last three hundred and seventy days

靠窗，在那儿过去的三百七十个日子

I have learned that to be alone is what is good for me. I am pretending

教会了我独处的好处。我假装

as if I really belong with those who want to return to this world

属于想要回归这个世界的人群

with open arms, even though it has done to us

张开双臂，不计较它对我们到底

what it has done. I wish I could love like that,

都做了些什么。我希望能这样去爱，

instead of wanting to turn my back on it all,

而不只一心想着转身离开。

as if life in the world were a marriage

活在这世上就像一场姻缘，

assumed too young and necessarily left behind.

结婚太早，不得已只好放弃。

Try as I might I will never become

无论如何我无法

one of the world’s faithful ones.

成为这世上的又一个信徒。

My naked face and your naked face,

我裸露的脸和你裸露的脸，

maskless. A cold March dawn,

摘下口罩。三月凉薄的早上

harsh sunlight, impersonal and honest,

刺眼的阳光客观而坦诚，

mindless like the light from a surgeon’s lamp

无情如外科医生的聚光灯

worn on the forehead as you peer down

戴在头上你俯视

into the wound. Nothing in this new life

伤口。重启的生命只要我

is asked of me except to remember how small I am.

记住我的渺小，除此别无所求。